The Author Hal Urban writes a fascinating book on the influence of words both on others and on ourselves. It is interesting how language can strongly affect the behavior of others and I find that this book is especially useful for teachers and coaches (especially esl teachers).
The book discusses first the origin of language and how we often think in terms of pictures and not words. The author also explained that good writers and teachers are also good story tellers as they can paint vivid pictures with their words.
Hal Urban then goes on to describe how by just reading positive words can have a strong effect on your emotions. Zig Ziglar says "You are what you are because of what goes into your mind". On this note, the author suggests that we start our day on a good foot by reading positive information and screening out trash.
Urban also explains that "every time we open our mouths, we reveal something about ourselves" which goes along the notion that words come from the heart. Psychologists often use this technique as just by talking to person they can find that the truth will eventually slip out.
"The real art of a conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. " -Dorothy Nevill
The author raises an important point about how foul language and complaint can effect us. He even explains how difficult it is to go for a day without complaining. "I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain" -Jane Wagner Urban explains that by trying to avoid bad language even for just a day can be greatly beneficial. (*he also says that Benjamin Franklin writes about this in his autobiography which now I want to read)
One lesson I learnt from the book is to learn to control my tongue. The author writes "I urge you, with all the passion that I have, to learn to control your tongue, especially when you are in an emotionally charged situation. Once you say something, you can't take it back. And those words that only took seconds to utter can cause pain that lasts for years."
Words are choices. A simple compliment costs nothing but can uplift both yourself and someone else. Zig Ziglar says, "You cannot receive a sincere compliment without feeling better... and just as important, you cannot give a sincere compliment without feeling better yourself."
Another important point is to be a good finder and to look for the good in the situation. Some expressions that remind us of this include: "Seek and you shall find" "We always find what we're looking for" and "What you see is what you get".. and furthermore too, "Fix your minds on whatever is true and honorable and just and pure and lovely and praiseworthy."-Philippians 4:8
A study was conducted on 100 successful people and the main characteristic that these people had was that they were good finders-in other people and in every situation". Hall said that he often asks his class, "What are we celebrating today?"
Greetings are very important and they are a good opportunity to (1) be creative (2) to have fun (3) to lift a persons spirit (4) lift your own spirit. Instead of the systematic "I'm fine" a person could say " I'm ok but now you're here, I am even better" Instead of saying " How are you?" one could ask more personal questions such as
"Who's someone you are thankful for? why?" "What's been the highlight of your day so far? What's the best place you've ever been? Who's your best friend? Why?"
Although this information that was provided in this book I found was very useful on a personal and professional level. I think it is one of the best self-help books I have ever read and I hope I can apply these new strategies effectively.
So in essence, after reading this book, I vow to:
1. be conscious of what information I am exposed too ( this is a shame though because I like rap music) and read positive material in the morning
2. Be careful of what I say in an emotionally charged state
3. Try to be a good storyteller in my writing and teaching
4. Remind myself that words are choices and can uplift others as well as myself (especially in greetings)
5. Try and be a good finder (look for the good in others/ look for positivity)
6. Do my best to be creative in greetings
7. Follow the five A's of healthy communication : "Attention, Appreciation, Ask, Affection, Affirm"
8. smile, remember a persons name, be a good listener, talk in terms of someones interest, make the other person feel important
Quotes:
"good friends always let us know that we're special..and why" -Patti Stemple
"The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated" -William James
"we live in an ocean of words, but like a fish in water we are often not aware of it." Stuart Chase
"The world does not require so much to be informed as to be reminded" Hannah More
"Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have." -Margaret Mead
"Do not save your loving speeches, for your friends till they are dead; do not write them on their tombstones; speak them rather now instead"
"A handwritten note is like dining by candlelight instead of flicking on the lights, like making a gift instead of ordering a product, like taking a walk instead of driving. Handwritten notes will add a lot to your life. You can still use the telephone or the web for the daily chores of staying in touch, but for the words that matter, it's courteous, classy, caring and civilized to pick up a pen. - Margret Shepherd
"I can live for two months on one good compliment." -Mark Twain
This is one of my favorite quotes from the Lord of the Rings
Poetry:
What the dew is to the flowers,
Gentle words are to the soul
And a blessing to the giver
And so dear to the receiver
We should never withhold.
Gentle words, kindly spoken
Often soothe the troubled mind,
While links of love are broken
by words that are unkind.
Then O thou gentle spirit,
My constant guardian be
Do unto others be my motto
as Id have them do to me. -Polly Rupe
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